Monday, 22 November 2010

Jimmy Hoffa’s Casket on the Unearthing of Jimmy Hoffa

I can hear them digging. Alright, Jimmy, my love. This is it. They’ve finally found us. I don’t know how really; Frankie hid us well. For 35 long, happy years, we’ve been blissfully together for almost as long as you and your wife were. You’ve never talked much, but you’ve always been a great listener.

And now these bastards are gonna take you away from me. Look, don’t get me wrong, I understand the fascination about you, the great man you are and were, but can’t they just give it a rest? 35 years they’ve been looking for Jimmy Hoffa. A lot of hot air, a lot of people wondering what happened to you when they should’ve been worried about missing the sale on Mac N Cheese at the Stop N Save. What do you think of that, that marketing lingo where and is abbreviated to N? ‘Cause I well… doesn’t matter, never mind.

And another thing, I don’t believe what all those people said you did. You’ve been a stand up guy. Never hit me, never did anything to me. I know you Jimmy, you wouldn’t hurt a fly.

Come to think of it, what have you done for me? You’ve barely said anything since we’ve met. And quite frankly your hygiene is disgusting lately. You don’t even say good night to me anymore. Did you ever? Ugh.

I know I’m just a girl from humble pine origins, but I deserve better than this. We never go anywhere. It’s like you’re practically dead to the world. You know what? Let them take you. I don’t need you anymore. I don’t need someone who doesn’t give back in the relationship. It’s a one way street with you. So get out, just go. Go. I said go. Dig faster you bastards!

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