A week ago I was depressed. I couldn’t have written this blog entry. My mind was split and indecisive; part drill sergeant barking orders and part scared shitless kid cadet, too afraid he would mess up. Right, now I’m of one mind, of goals, priorities. I’m not afraid of anything. Last Monday something big happened to me. I felt an emotion, a deep-in-there drilling-for-soul-gold emotion. I hadn’t felt that in a long time, felt and known through that feeling that I was connected to my heart, and connected to other people. Jealousy is an ugly emotion, and as the toxic waste pumped through my heart and thunder pulsed through my chest, I remembered the ugliness that exists in us all if we don’t fight it.
I remembered a discovered truth from when I was 16 and clawing at the walls of the universe for the meaning of life. No regrets, and leave the world a better place than when I entered it. That’s my purpose. Each and every day we have the power to affect other human beings positively or negatively; I didn’t want to acknowledge that I was negatively affecting those I love and care about. I was too cowardly to face the challenges of life head on.
“Know thyself” is inked on my ceiling above my bed, has been for years. Last Monday I opened my eyes and looked at it. To make the world a better place, I have to know myself and be true to the goodness within me. Upon seeing that, my heart, mind, and soul were flooded with tremendous remorse, but also hope. And happiness. I then and now acknowledge that life is hard and that there is indeed a way to tackle all the curves life throws at you.
Well, I always thought the curves were the most interesting part of the road. To make the world a better place is to share the best of me each and every day—to use every moment and memory as a learning experience, to share myself with who I love, to make people laugh, to finish my novel, to be out there in the world, to face everything thrown at me head on. Strength comes from within, comes from fighting all the evil within us and outside in the world, all the greed, and laziness, negativity. Strength can’t be faked. Knowing these things makes me strong, and knowing that there is so much more to learn makes me to stronger.
Right now and forever, I commit to staying true to myself and the people I love. I commit to action, immediacy, and progress. This blog is a symbol of that commitment, of the joy of sharing with the world. Of no fear. Of the respect for the power we have to improve the lives of ourselves and others with purpose, drive, and determination. Now and forever.
Over the past week, I’ve accomplished more work, more job applications, more writing, more learning, more interaction, more everything than I have in a year. And why? Because now and forever I face life’s challenges head on. The happiness from that knowledge is like hotsauce for the soul.