Whatever happened to Happy Hardcore? If there was ever a time in my life I wanted music to power every synapse with a glowing aura of Tabasco, it’s now. I still have the CDs I bought a while back, but Anabolic Frolic is to excitement what Midas is to gold. I have to satisfy the human need for new, bring it back. This is my open petition for 4/4 rhythmic madness to be reincarnated in Happy2bHardcore Chapter 9.
Ok, ok, I know this post is obscure. But hear me out, this comes from wanting to hop around like electrified bubble tea. A lot of danceable radio is harsh and crude—lyrics scrawled on the club bathroom wall about “taking bitches home” and “showing off Bentleys.” What does that have to do with lighting up a dance floor like it's a nuclear-infused etch-a-sketch?
I’m about inventing the next great dance move that doesn’t require trained recitals and a director. Not all non-abusive dance music needs to be for Bar Mitzvahs and weddings. So many people making music, and trust me I’ve heard some really good stuff out there. What about Bootsy Collins? Franz Ferdinand? Countless others.
All you musicians out there, don’t sing another dirge and call it smashing because that’s been done before. There’s a ton of funny jams I’d dance to just for the sake of it, even if it ain't exactly Shakespeare. I can dig a beat that can't hold a straight face.
The issue is raising the bar. Crafting an infectious foray into joyous bodily energy explosions doesn’t need to involve buying out the bar or telling the world how much you don’t give a fuck. The fact is you don’t even need a tab of e nestled under the tongue to get funky again. Take it easy: all you need is a groove, a dream, and toes to tap.